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In an age when open relations between the genders are becoming increasingly possible and even expected, what is casual sex, and where is it coming from? It’s fun, and often romantic in a casual way, but where do you find that? What are the different types, why do people have them, what do they feel like, and what are the dangers?
The figureheads of casual hookups are likely to be women due to the hypersexual culture of the male mainstream. One survey from the CDC in 2005 reported that nearly three in every ten women have engaged in vaginal sex without a condom at least once in their lives. This is driven by an expectation that you are having sex for a sexual encounter, or because you want to go bareback. A woman’s increased willingness to engage in casual sex stems from a gender gap created by the digital revolution, where women are losing jobs to guys and losing home support to men. Women in their twenties lack a sense of time or romance, and are being taught from an early age that their sexual preferences are unimportant, or, in some cases, even curable.
By the way, this is meant to be a figure of speech. I did not sleep with yours truly.
A woman’s main motivation for casual sex is the need to get laid, although it is becoming more common to use it as a dating protocol. Guys are increasingly seeking one-night stands, in line with shifting social mores that make women feel empowered by claiming their desire to just have casual sex. There is a growing lack of interest in stable relationships, and there is a feeling that this is not enough for the entire human experience. One survey found that in the US, one in five men think casual sex is a bad idea, in part because it doesn’t lead to a relationship.
The most prevalent type of casual sex is the encounter where a woman goes to find a hookup, and is picking up on a guy at a bar, or out on the street. A lot of people don’t even use dating apps for hookups, and if they do, it is likely to be because of their heavy drinking or general debauchery. It is important to note that a woman who is going to a bar specifically to pick up men, is not engaging in casual sex. She is purposely seeking out sex.
The other common type of casual sex is hookups with people that you met through online dating sites, such as Tinder, Grindr or Hornet, which have transformed
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The answer to that question really depends on who you are and who you’re with. One of the main arguments against casual sex is that if your partner (or you) isn’t serious about the other person, it’s more likely to feel like just another meaningless hookup. If it’s one-night stand your after, you can reassure yourself and your partner that it won’t last. If it’s to just, like, get a little laid, you can separate yourself from the mood of the moment and move on to the next thing. But casual sex isn’t something you can experience and move on from. It will always be in the back of your mind. And nothing’s worse than that.
These days, most casual hookups don’t last long, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important. “Once you get into bed, hooking up is easier and more pleasurable than working through the feelings that come with a real relationship,” says Sujan Patel, one of the stars of The Crash Pad, a reality show that follows people in their bid for casual sex. Even though the show has ended, it’s still always in the back of people’s minds, including the people participating in it. For a casual sex tipster, this is a good thing. It means your friends and acquaintances remember your on-screen exploits and just as importantly, they’re no longer just in your head. There’s no more constant wondering what they think of you, how well you were in bed, and whether they have any new prospects.
You and the person you’ve just ‘hooked up’ with will always have those feelings. Casual sex is just an easy, straight-forward way to eliminate (or at least quell) some of those feelings, which is a good thing.
If casual sex is bad for you, it’s because every hookup that ever happened to you will always be a reminder of it. They are never just a fleeting memory. And even after you’ve made your next relationship, you’ll keep thinking back to the past. Casual sex is the obvious sexual outlet for anyone who feels like they need a bit of stress relief. But it isn’t without risks or consequences. That’s because casual sex is casual. It isn’t like the more serious relationship you have with someone — the emotions and feelings aren’t the same.
There’s not a right or wrong answer about casual sex. If you’re in the mood and want to give it a go, you should do it. If you aren’t